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The Male Masturbation Handbook
by wired, March 2, 2006 2:44 PM
(a.k.a: The Completely Amazing Guide to Male Stimulation and Shameless Self-Gratification)
It's generally assumed that all guys do it. It's also generally assumed that all guys do it the same way: Up, down. Up, down. Up, down. Up, down. Relax. Fall asleep.
There are so many songs and jokes about male masturbation that it's nearly impossible to have no knowledge of it. Unlike females, males are considered liars if they claim to have never masturbated. The downside is, while expected to be "typical male behavior," it's still considered "dirty" by many religions and mothers alike.
So before I get into any techniques or reasons to masturbate, I'd like to take a moment to dispel the myths, rumors and nonsensical claims I've heard over the years.
DAVE'S TOP TEN LIST OF MASTURBATION MYTHS, RUMORS AND NONSENSICAL CLAIMS:
Alas, those are the top ten that I've heard. You can find more at http://www.jackinworld.com/library/myths.html
Why SHOULD you masturbate? Primarily, masturbation provides an opportunity to try out firsthand (no pun intended) what feels good to you. It is an outlet to explore fantasy, satisfy curiosity and become more self-aware of your body. Additionally, studies have linked it to reducing the risk of prostate cancer. (For more details, see http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3072021.stm)
Now, let's focus on what actually happens during masturbation:
Now we're ready to delve into masturbation techniques to make this happen.
(Welcome to the big show. He could... go... all... (Cue techno beat)... the... WAY!)
I discovered masturbation when I was 11 by humping away at the side of my mattress. Sure, stroking up and down works for most guys, but from my experience, this isn't nearly as intense as direct stimulation to the base of the penis. Quite a few techniques are at http://www.jackinworld.com/expert/01basica.html, but for the sake of originality, I plan to reveal the my personal ultimate, surefire weapon that can make the post-orgasmic aftermath stay for an extended period of time, but if done incorrectly can leave one sore for days.
Not yet, however. For the moment, let's go over some of the stuff you can use while you masturbate:
Lubrication -- Some guys use spit, some buy KY Jelly or use the Vaseline in the medicine cabinet. Personally, I don't use any lubrication because I enjoy the friction.
Toys -- Loved by many, hated by few, sex toys can be found in novelty shops and websites everywhere. I've heard of some guys using vibrators in various locations between their legs and guys putting their penises where…well, let's just say a penis shouldn't be where they put their penises. However, just as penis-resembling dildos and vibrators are made for females, pocket pussies are made for males.
Like vibrators, pocket pussies come in a variety of shapes, sizes and colors.
Some look fake and are relatively inexpensive:
Some look real, add bells & whistles (like vibration) and cost considerably more:
I know a handful of people who prefer fake-looking ones not only because of the price, but because they feel uncomfortable with a realistic playmate. Pocket pussies were created with the intent of looking and feeling like genuine female anatomy, thus providing realistic feeling (a vaginal simulator, if you will). Obviously, polyurethane won't feel exactly like human flesh, so don't always take claims to heart. Always know what you're getting, because otherwise, well, I wish you the best of luck finding the return policy on the receipt.
Pornography -- I'm not going to advise you to look for porn on the Internet or run down to your nearest FYE for the latest issue of Playboy, but I will say it's been around a long time for the purposes we're discussing here. (Just for trivia: It is believed that women once masturbated to cave drawings of warriors. For more on masturbation in the ancient world, check out http://www.afraidtoask.com/masturbate/History.htm) Erotica is considered by some to be porn, and its biggest advantage is being able to see things with your mind's eye; with so much left to the imagination, it's easy to get lost in the fantasy.
Thus far, we've covered myths about, reasons to, what happens during, and tools to assist with masturbation. By this point, I think you're ready to embark on this journey yourself. Ah yes, I did mention my personal, surefire weapon. First of all, remember this is MY technique. Your surefire method might be different, and feel free to use slight variations of mine. That said, here goes...
As you may already know, the prostate gland is the male G-spot. Stimulation of the prostate gland during sexual activity intensifies orgasm to a substantial degree. It's located beneath the bladder and in front of the rectum.
The easiest way to stimulate it to insert an object or finger into the anus (make sure it's clean!) and gently press against the wall within. That's the first thing you need to know.
Be careful! The first time I tried this, my Kegel muscles felt sore for a few days. However, it's worth mentioning how intense the orgasm was and how I was in a state of bliss for 20 minutes.
I didn't develop this technique over night, so you might need a little practice before mastery. Also, don't forget to experiment with your own methods. It's your body, so take advantage of it!
This concludes the masturbation guide for males. Feel free to contact me with any suggestions for things you'd like to see mentioned in this article!